Book Club

I've been looking for new material to read. I'm an eager reader by nature, and my Aunt Jill passed along a list of books she's working her way through over the summer. Happily, I have been making my way through the titles.

I stumbled across a new book entitled "Look Again," written by Lisa Scottoline. It's about a single mother, who adopted a little boy only to discover that he was kidnapped when he was an infant. The story is just an adaptation and variation of a story that's been told countless times on television, as well as through movies and books.

I can't seem to make my way through it.

I don't know if it's because I know the inevitable conclusion or if it's because I identify too much with the main character. The story scares me. Maybe I watch too much television.

When you're faced with the possibility of infertility, adopting seems to be the most logical solution. I've looked into the option. I've gone to meetings and I've run the numbers. First of all, adoption is expensive. The people I've talked to say it costs, roughly, about as much as it would to have children naturally. But, to even have someone come into your home - just to determine if you're "qualified" to adopt - costs over $2,000.00.

And then, I start ruminating. So, let's pretend that we make the cut and we're put on a list of prospective parents for mothers to choose from. Who would choose us? We're both workaholics, and we live in downtown Minneapolis. If I was a woman looking to give her child up for adoption, I'd never choose us. I would want to pick a family where one parent stayed home - a couple with a nice house out in the suburbs. A house with a yard and a swingset - close to great schools and big parks.

I'm begging for someone - anyone - to tell me I'm being irrational.

Because here's the thing - I know we will be incredible parents. We'll never let our child go to school with a runny nose. We'll let her learn life's lessons the hard way but we'd never let her fall down. She would respect adults and never be teased by her classmates. We love her now and we've never seen her.

But adoption scares me. There are things beyond my control. What if she hates us? What if her parents change their mind?

It's time I found some serenity, as Jeff is so fond of telling me. I want peace of mind. I want to know my future. I need to learn to relinquish my control and remember that some day, some how, there is a little child out there just waiting to join our family.

I hope she gets here soon.